The joy of growing old

 

 

‘Old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch,

Old man on the back porch, and that old man is me’

(from ‘Back Porch’ by The Presidents of the United States of America, 1995)

 

 Well, it seems that I turned 70 a few months ago!

 How did that happen?

The evening before my birthday, I surprised my wife, Jane, by opening a bottle of champagne and handing her a glass. She was confused as to why the evening before my birthday warranted champagne. And then I explained that I had been researching the definitions of middle age and old age and I could find no definition of middle age that extended beyond 69. Old age began at 70 – at the latest! And so, I reasoned, why not celebrate my last few hours of being middle aged!

I was discussing all of this just recently with a friend who is a good few years older than me. It was not a morbid, depressing, or resentful discussion. Not at all!

For there are so very many positives in growing older. Yes, there are things that remind me on a daily basis of the passing of the years, and not all of these are by any means welcome. But when weighed against the very many positives, I find myself feeling both content and grateful.

And forward planning takes on a very different flavour. Meetings with solicitors about revising our wills and Powers of Attorney etc were not top of the list in my twenties! And just a short while ago Jane and I were briefly discussing who of our many ministerial friends we might ask to conduct our funeral services when the time comes.

Curiously, even in this last chapter – so to speak – forward planning has a certain importance that I might not have imagined when I was younger.

But it is the pleasure of the present that is the most enriching thing about being this age. While I am not (and probably will never be) fully retired, but am still involved a wee bit in ministry, there is the joy of being able to choose what, and whether, and when. Also, I enjoy the pleasure of growing older as a couple; there is – I find – something very rewarding in that. And, of course, the utter delight in being a grandfather is beyond expression!

So, there is so much to enjoy and embrace. Old age is fine… and fun!

I have sometimes watched ‘Mortimer and Whitehouse: Gone Fishing’. I do know that it is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I really rather enjoy the reflective and whimsical musings of these two ageing comedians discussing health, and life, and death (and there’s the fishing too!).

In one episode I watched, they were speaking about death, funerals, and eternal destiny. In the course of the episode they also engaged in a discussion with a vicar about these matters. It was a thoughtful, gentle, and respectful conversation. Afterwards they acknowledged to each other that neither of them particularly had a faith, or a belief in a ‘life beyond’. Yet they were clearly struck by the vicar’s perspectives, and her faith, and her wisdom, and one said to the other ' you know, there are lots of people much cleverer than us who believe'.

Which is a rambling way of me getting to the point, which is that as I get older, I find myself becoming less sure (and certainly less vehement!) regarding some aspects of my faith. And yet, I become ever more sure about some things, and amongst these is that, when the time comes, I will be embraced into the eternal love, and light, and life of God.

Meanwhile, this old man is happily living out his life; grateful for what has been, content with what is, and unafraid of what is to come.

 

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends…

 

 

‘Welcome back, my friends,

to the show that never ends;

we’re so glad you could attend,

come inside, come inside’

(from ‘Karn Evil 9’ by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, 1974)

 

 

I last posted on my blog in February 2025, having promised that I was about to unleash a torrent of posts on an unsuspecting world! And here I am, almost 18 months later, having failed to fulfil my promise. Well, it has been quite an unexpectedly hectic year, for one reason or another.

But here I am… again. Welcome back… and I do hope that a different rhythm to my life is now dawning, and that I will be able to blog again more regularly.

The show never ends!

And how true that is in so many (not always happy) ways.

ELP’s ‘Karn Evil 9’ from which I have quoted above, paints a dystopian picture. Indeed, from 1969 until 1974, a lot of prog rock was so dystopian that it was described as ‘doom rock’. (Check out some early King Crimson, or Van Der Graff Generator, etc)

In these times, we were still in the Cold War era, imminent nuclear annihilation was on our minds, there seemed to be constant global instability.

And here we are in 2026 and the details may be different, but (to me at least) it all feels very much the same.

‘Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends’.

My last post on my blog was – as I said – in February 2025, and I have just re-read it, and it too was commenting on the state of things in the world.

‘plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose’.

I am often accused (mainly by my family) of being negative, pessimistic, and grumpy. I think that they are being unfair, and that I am simply realistic. But, then, a pessimist would say that, wouldn’t they?

However, in fact, while I can get a bit down about the state of the world at the moment, I am actually full of hope, arising out of my faith. I firmly and fully believe that God has a plan and that, in time, it will come to pass. Justice and peace will kiss. Crying and dying will be no more. All things will be made new.

This I believe.

And because I believe that, I will continue to work, pray, and hope for a better world.

‘Your kingdom come, your will be done’

Strange Days Indeed

 

‘Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Strange days indeed – most peculiar, mama’
from ‘Nobody Told Me’ by John Lennon, released posthumously (1984)

‘The wall on which the prophets wrote
is cracking at the seams.
Upon the instruments of death
the sunlight brightly gleams…
…confusion will be my epitaph
as I crawl, a cracked and broken path.
If we make it, we can all sit back and laugh.
But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying..’
From ‘Epitaph’ by King Crimson, from the album ‘In the Court of the Crimson King’ (1969)

I am disturbed by the way things are going in the world right now. I know I am not alone. I watched and listened to a sermon preached a couple of Sundays ago by Revd Nadia Bolz-Weber which referenced the disturbing times in which we are living, in which she also reminded her hearers that God is still on the throne. And I found that encouraging and reassuring; a welcome reminder.

But still I am disturbed. 

In fact, I must confess I am possibly more anxious about world events at the moment than I can recall ever being in my adult life, even having lived through the tensions at the height of the Cold War. And so, I am – along with many others – more than a little disturbed by current events and some of the developments we are witnessing in our world right now.

However, one of the most disturbing things is that people in general, and folks in my several circles in particular, seem disturbed by different things – even polar opposite things. Within my family and amongst my friends, I am increasingly finding that I have to carefully navigate conversations and avoid certain topics (a growing number, if truth be told) in order to avoid tensions and potential conflict. It is very disconcerting and more than a little uncomfortable. It is also very confusing and… yes, disturbing. 

While this polarisation is most evident on social media, it is not confined to there. 

And where I find it most confusing and disturbing is among my fellow Christians. There is what feels to me a concerning trend in some strands of Western Christianity in which some Christians have thrown their lot in with certain social and political trends that I find difficult to reconcile with the person and teachings of Jesus. Of course, I need to keep trying to openly and honestly reflect on that, and pray about it. Could I be wrong? Might I yet come to agree with these Christian sisters and brothers? 

I do try to be open. But still I find myself struggling with it all.

This is not the post in which to explore the different tribes of Christianity nor their history, or – indeed – where I fit in with all of that. All of these things are very complicated (and I do wish some of my fellow Christians who imagine it is all straightforward and simple, bothered to consider something of the history and issues surrounding the varying stands of culture, belief, and practice in Christianity and how they have come about. They might be surprised!).

For the moment, my intention is simply to express my deep feelings of being disturbed, confused, worried, and concerned, by the state of the world, by the allegiances of some parts of the Christian community, and by the tensions between family, friends, and Christian sisters and brothers. 

How has it come to this?

And the beat goes on...

 

‘There's a time and the time is now and it's right for me

It's right for me, and the time is now

There's a word and the word is love and it's right for me

It's right for me, and the word is love’

from ‘Time and a Word’ by Yes from the album ‘Time and a Word’ (1970)

If the readers of this blog are, by now, well acquainted with my dismay at the extent to which Christmas is allowed to invade and disrupt Advent, then the good people of Cambuslang Parish Church, where I am currently acting as Locum, are fast catching up!

However, as that congregation discovered on Sunday, it is not only the early arrival of Christmas that bugs me; I also bemoan its early departure! You see, there are Twelve Days of Christmas; it does not end until Epiphany. Twelve wonderful days in which to celebrate the Babe of Bethlehem, the Word made Flesh, Emmanuel (God with us). 

And yet, on Christmas Eve at midday, when I popped into our local Tesco, the staff were busy removing the Christmas decorations… at midday on Christmas Eve! When I got into the car on Boxing Day and switched on the radio, all the Christmas music that had been playing for weeks (or so it seemed) had disappeared. 

If I keep asking ‘whatever happened to Advent?’, then I might add ‘whatever happened to Christmas?' Why do so many congregations swiftly move on from Christmas readings and praise as soon as Christmas Day has passed?

I mentioned on Sunday past that in some places (including in Salisbury Cathedral, and – I am told – in the royal residences) the Christmas Tree is only put up and decorated on Christmas Eve and remains up until 2nd February – Candlemas! – so that the whole ‘Season of the Incarnation’ (Christmas and Epiphany) is marked. I am not sure that the folks of Cambuslang Parish Church were wholly convinced. One woman said to me after the service that she was going home to take her Christmas Tree down, although the Fabric Convener did ask if I wanted him to the keep the tree up until 2nd February! (I said ’no’).

Now, I am not suggesting that all the celebrations we associate with Christmas should continue for the full 12 days. I have already had my fill of crisps, cheese, and chocolate, and so on. 

But those of us who are Christian believers might surely use this Season to spend time reflecting upon the Incarnation, and celebrating it. How often over the Christmas Season we hear the Nativity readings from Luke and Matthew, and how little we seem to hear any considered reflection on the prologue of John’s Gospel. These Sundays after Christmas would be a good time!

So, let us continue our Christmas celebrations for these 12 days (at least!). In our home the tree, the lights, and the decorations will stay up until these 12 days have passed.

This is the time, and the word is love! 

And, so, the beat goes on…

Letting Go

 

‘But Lord I had to go
My trail was laid too slow behind me…’
from ‘Exiles’ by King Crimson from the album ‘Lark’s Tongues in Aspic’ (1973)

Possibly it is something to do with reflecting on ‘repentance’. Or else it is because I have been preparing a funeral service yesterday and today. Or because I have (once again) been reflecting on ‘moving on’ and ‘seasons of life’.

But, more likely my reason for finding myself challenged by a need to ‘let go’ is because I am struggling to do that very thing!

I imagine that I have moved on, drawn a line under good involvements and experiences, embraced new opportunities in place of the things I had previously valued so much, but which now belong to a past time – and then, lo and behold - there I am again, involved, attending, engaged.

So it is that I seem to have been (and am going to be) in Edinburgh almost every second day in this two week period (and yet I thought I had ‘moved on’ from my attachment to that city and ‘let go’ of it).

Having declared last year that I would not again attend one of my favourite annual events (also in Edinburgh) in which I was so involved for more than 15 years, and where I was able to engage with a cause and with people I loved (but it was time to ‘let go’ and ‘move on’, I told myself and others) nonetheless I found myself attending again this year and contributing a little (and enjoying it thoroughly). But why did I find myself once again there and involved? (Well, of course, it is because I said ‘yes’ or – at least – was not quick enough to say ‘no’ and stick with it). 

I have even found myself (only for a moment, to be fair) seeing church jobs advertised and wondering if I should apply! What?!? Am I mad? I retired almost 3 years ago!

I just can’t seem to let go.

I think this is an emotional issue, a psychological dynamic, and – above all – a spiritual matter. There is something going on within me that fights against moving on and letting go. 

However, I think a big part of that is a failure to create new patterns and engage with new challenges etc. That is part of the pain of managing retirement, I suppose. That sense of ‘what now?’. 

I was chatting to a neighbour a while back. He and his wife are also retired. However, his wife somehow gets herself involved in still doing stuff in schools (she was a teacher). He, on the other hand, enjoys watching sport on TV! While I would not likely watch much sport on TV, to be honest (apart from rugby) I do wonder why I cannot be more like him, but end up being more like her. 

Answers on a postcard please…

Now, I am not saying that having involvement and purpose in retirement (or what passes for ‘retirement’) is a bad thing. Not at all. But hanging onto a past that has gone and will not return, and failing to embrace a new future is not really healthy. 

I guess that this season of Advent, Christmas, and New Year might encourage reflection and action towards embracing the new things ahead… and I get the theory. It is just that I am not so hot on the practice!

I think there are some things of which I still need to let go. I need to work on that… but for now, I must check the time of the service I am going to attend on Sunday evening… in Edinburgh… at my former church that I left almost 9 years ago. 

You see? Letting go… simples!

Resilience

‘Don't give up
You know it's never been easy
Don't give up
'Cause I believe there's a place
There's a place where we belong’

from ‘Don’t give up’ by Peter Gabriel with Kate Bush.

One dictionary definition of ‘resilience’ is  the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties. That is fine, as far as it goes.

But, it seems to me that resilience is not simply about how we deal with crises. It is about our complete approach to life. If we do not cultivate the kind of attitudes, attributes, and habits in our everyday lives that produce what I would call resilience, then we are unlikely to be resilient when it comes to a crisis.

The graphic above suggest that flexibility, learning, and adaptability are both the roots of and the fruit of resilience. I won’t argue with that. But how do we cultivate any of these values in our lives? The problem I see with much of what is offered in commentary about resilience from secular, management, psychological ‘gurus’, is that it seems to be mostly about dealing with traumas, not handling everyday life.

In my preaching this Advent, I have very often referred to both patience and hope. No surprise there! These are words that most preachers will use in this season, I suppose.

But, perhaps also, these words give a pointer as to how we nurture the kinds of qualities that lead to resilience in everyday life; the ability to deal with the inevitable little blows and knocks that come about as we live out our lives; the little setbacks and disappointments that come each day, whatever these may be (the succession of red lights when we are driving? The long queues in the supermarket? The person standing in our way as we try to get to the ticket barriers at the station? And that is just to reference a few of the minor irritants that have afflicted me in these last few days!).

So I suppose I am asking myself, ‘how do I deal with disappointments or difficulties’… not necessarily the dramatic big things that hit us, but all the little things that we encounter. Perhaps Paul had a clue when he writes, ‘suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us’ (Romans 5: 3-5).

Ah yes; hope! 

We hold onto that hope that what we see in our world and in our lives is not necessarily God’s will, and certainly not God’s last word. His kingdom is still to come.

Be patient.

Have hope.

And so build resilience.

Repentance

 ‘Like the time I ran away,
turned around,
and you were standing close to me’
from ‘Awaken’ by Yes on the album ‘Going for the One’  

My last post was about ‘Reflection’, and this one is entitle ‘Repentance’, and I intend another entitled

‘Resilience’. It seems that three point alliterative sermons just keep happening, even in retirement!

The message of John the Baptist calling people to repentance is well known, and features in the Sunday Gospel readings in Advent. I think that we sometimes tend to think of the call to repentance as being a somewhat grim thing; the stuff of thundering sermons delivered by frowning preachers to fearful congregations. And, to be fair, John the Baptist was certainly what we might call a ‘plain speaker’! I cannot imagine many preachers today declaring to their listeners that they are ‘a brood of vipers’.

But I don’t think we should necessarily see ‘repentance’ as a grim and forbidding process, or even as being somehow contrasted to the ‘good life’ presented elsewhere in Scripture or the ‘life abundant’ of which Jesus speaks. After all, Jesus also called people to repentance.

Repentance – at its root – means a change of mind or heart, or a turning away from one direction and turning to go in another. In terms of our faith journey, it means turning from going our own way (or the ‘wrong’ way) and choosing instead to go God’s way. And God’s way is the way of life abundant. 

It is to do with undertaking an ‘about turn’ or a ‘U-turn’ on the road when we realise that we are headed in the wrong direction.

Perhaps we should view repentance (or ‘turning’ or ‘returning’) in the light of some of the words from Isaiah chapter 30 when the prophet says ‘in returning and rest you shall be saved… the Lord waits to be gracious to you…’

I don’t know about you, but for me all of that places repentance in a more positive light. 

And perhaps that is why – for me – the words from the song ‘Awaken’ by Yes (quoted above) have such resonance. How often I have turned away from God, even run away; and then, when I have finally turned around (‘repented’) there God was, close to me, and offering grace and mercy, and the path to abundant life.