‘When I was
younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed
anybody’s help in any way.
But now these days
are gone, I’m not so self-assured.
Now I find I need
you like I’ve never done before.’
From the song ‘Help’
by the Beatles
I have lots of ideas for posts on my blog. Some of these are about quite weighty matters of life, faith, the world, and so on. But I find that I just have not mustered up the energy and enthusiasm to write on these matters as yet. Nor have I found the time. Now, how ridiculous is that? Here I am a retired man, and yet I cannot find the time!
Of course, I know that every retired person to whom you have ever spoken will come out with the same observation when asked about retired life. Something about being busier than ever, or wondering how they found the time to work, and so on.
But it is true!
In part, I think it is because we have stored up so many hopes and projects for when we retire that the list can seem endless, daunting and almost impossible to tackle.
Another possibility is that those of us who are grandparents find that a large part of our time is taken up with our grandchildren (no complaints about that!).
However, I also think that it is because the pace at which we live life has slowed down a bit as we are now that bit older. This is no bad thing. In fact, it may be necessary as we do not have the energy that once we did. And perhaps, for some of us at least, we do not have the fitness either.
I can recall that when I was in my thirties and forties I would often get up early and manage to do a couple of hours of work at my desk before getting on with whatever else the day held: school visits, hospital visits, meetings (some in Edinburgh), and much more. In the evening it was normal to have a meeting of some sort. Once back home I might then spend a couple of hours on a hobby, or else be back at the desk, or whatever, and rarely be in bed before midnight, then up again at 6am the next day to go through all that again.
There is not a chance that I could do a quarter of that now! I just do not have the ability or the energy.
Come 10pm, I am ready for bed (sometimes I feel like going earlier than that). And when I do waken up in the morning, I am nowadays a bit stiff and sore, and it takes me while to get going, both physically and mentally. The reduction in evening meetings since retirement has not freed up time for indulging in hobbies as I had imagined. Once we have had our evening meal, I find I just want to sit and read, or listen to music, or do the crossword in the newspaper (yes, I still buy a physical newspaper!), or watch a film.
But…
…it would be too easy to complain and resent this, or – on the other hand – resign myself to it. I am attempting another path; that of accepting the limitations that I will increasingly face in coming years (unavoidable and inevitable) while not simply giving in to it. There is a time for acknowledging and accepting whatever limitations we may face, and a time for making a wee bit of an effort in order to fulfil one’s aspirations, indulge one’s hobbies, or complete one’s projects. Yes, I will need to be realistic and not idealistic. But I will also need to be focussed and determined.
However, in the meantime, what fun it is to be able to just sit and read, or listen to music, or to look forward to seeing the grandchildren. (And this means I can sometimes enjoy being a child once again !)
And I am not missing the evening meetings. Not one little bit!
I am increasingly feeling that this time is a real gift of God. I have been ‘led’ to this. The Lord who is my Shepherd has led me to many places, through many ways, and on many paths (and some valleys of deepest darkness too). Now, in this season I feel as if I have been led to quiet waters for my refreshment and to green pastures where I can rest.
