Lockdown Learning

I greeted last week’s reimposition of lockdown with a fair bit of gloom and considerable frustration. I know it is necessary and I am broadly supportive of the measures being taken by our Government in these most difficult and unpredictable of circumstances.

But I (like most others!) am not at all enjoying this.

When one friend spoke of feeling imprisoned, I agreed. That is exactly how I feel. We are not free to do those things that we want to do, see the people we wish to see, go to the places that we choose to go. And even if these are things we might not have done, the fact that we cannot choose is what makes it feel like being imprisoned.

But, that said, I am also learning a lot in lockdown… mainly about myself!

I am realising something of what makes me tick, and discovering aspects of my personality that have surprised me.

I had always understood myself as being fairly introverted and certainly always felt comfortable in my own company. Indeed, I sometimes feared that if I did not have reason to go out or see others then I might end up a bit of a recluse.

I was wrong!

I have discovered just how much I need contact with other people; and by that I mean real ‘in person’, physical contact, not simply via a computer screen or a phone. I am so missing being with people! One of the things that brought that home to me is when I had to attend the dentist for a dental procedure. Now, going to the dentist would not rank as one of my favourite pastimes! And yet I came back from that appointment with my spirits lifted, a spring in my step and a smile on my lips (and not just because of the tooth repair I had just had done!). I was positively happy simply because I had been out of the house, had travelled a few miles (legitimately!) and chatted with other people (albeit a receptionist, a dentist, and a dental nurse). I think I may have been so chatty that they probably couldn’t wait to get me to open my mouth and start the necessary work just in order to shut me up!

And I am most certainly suffering from the absence of corporate worship. The spiritual wells are getting very low. This is not because I am neglecting personal spiritual disciplines, which I had once imagined could alone sustain my spiritual being. But because I am missing out on being with others in worship (and also missing singing praises and sharing in the sacrament).

Online worship is fine, but it isn’t the real thing.

Lockdown may have been irritating and frustrating in so many ways. But it has also been a learning experience.

Flexible and Fleet-of-Foot

 Reading through the Nativity Narratives in the Gospels, I am struck by how responsive and ready to change their minds and their direction the various main players were. Just a few examples will serve to illustrate this.

When he learned that Mary was pregnant, Joseph had a plan to quietly break off the engagement. But the message of an angel in a dream led to him very quickly changing the plan.

When the Wise Men (also in a dream) were warned not to return to Herod, they changed plans and left for home by another road.

And again, when Joseph was warned (and, yes, yet again in a dream!) about Herod’s murderous intent he and Mary and the infant Jesus were quick to flee to Egypt.

Plans are changed; decisions are made swiftly; quick action is undertaken; people are flexible and ‘fleet of foot’ when God speaks and prompts and warns.

Flexible and ‘fleet of foot’. Are these descriptions you would tend to associate with the church? As a Minister of the Church of Scotland I fear that we are more often somewhat sclerotic and slow, in danger of being captive to a ‘risk averse’ culture, and sometimes more concerned with law than with grace.

And I find it hurts me to have and to share these observation (with which you may – of course – disagree!) because I love the Church of Scotland. I have been truly blessed to serve in it for 40 years.

But it seems to me that sometimes we can get preoccupied by secondary matters, imprisoned by practice and procedure, and held back by structures and tradition that we seem to have lost the ability to be flexible and swift in our responses.

Or almost so…

…for it has been noticeable that this pandemic has forced us to be very flexible and very quick to respond and act, especially at a local level. There has been so much imagination and innovation! And even the procedures and structures have managed to just about keep pace! (And hats off to those who have worked so hard at the ‘centre’ to keep us swiftly informed, offer helpful guidance etc. That has been much appreciated!).

Of course, all of this flexibility, innovation and quick response has been born out of necessity.

But that begs the question as to why we have not viewed rapid change and the adopting of new ways and a flexible response as being necessary before this crisis hit us. There was (and is) a much bigger crisis challenging the church and it has been facing us for several decades now. Have we not heard the promptings of the Spirit, been alert to the voice of God, noticed the angels’ messages?

And when all of this pandemic has passed, will we learn from our experience and remain able to be flexible and ‘fleet of foot’, or will we (as I fear may be the case) revert to type and get bogged down in our slow and sclerotic ways as we gradually drift further towards irrelevance and ineffectiveness?

I do not fear for the future of Christ’s Church, for that is secure as he has himself promised. Even the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. But that promise holds no guarantee for future of the Church of Scotland as a denomination / organisation / structure.

I really hope that despite my observations, the Church might now have learned (at last) how to respond quickly and act decisively when required. That we might break out of our legalistic and structure bound ways and become flexible and ‘fleet of foot’.

Tough Times

These have been very difficult times.

When we first began to hear about this coronavirus we little imagined the severe impact it would have on all of our lives. When we initially entered into lockdown in March, who would have thought that we would still be facing the restrictions we are enduring all these months later? As we began to gently ease out of the tightest restrictions back in the summer, we did not envisage going backwards again, and certainly not so far backwards. And while some may have questioned the wisdom of the initial lifting of restrictions for Christmas, few would have been expecting that we would have been so suddenly slammed into reverse with Christmas plans seemingly snatched from us at the last moment.

And with a new lockdown so quickly following whatever restricted Christmas we can manage, these do indeed feel like tough times.

In our own family, our plans for Christmas Day have now been abandoned. There were tears in abundance on Saturday evening.

For many, the hope that they might not have to spend all of Christmas Day alone has been snatched away and they will have had a bleak few days contemplating that.

For some (such as those who work in hospitality or retail) there will be the deep anxiety about their future livelihood.

Tough times.

All of these things touch our own family in various ways and are never far from mind, not least in the wakeful night-time hours.

But many folks have much more to contend with, including months of isolation and living on their own (which will seem now to be far from ending). Inability to visit loved ones in hospital or give them a hug in the care home. The loss of a dear one because of COVID-19.

Tough times.

While acknowledging that others may be facing worse privations than we are does help to put our own difficulties into perspective and can help us to ‘count our blessings’, it does not take away from or lessen the difficulty of our own situation.

And whatever else is the case, simply saying to ourselves or others, ‘cheer up’, ‘look on the bright side’, ‘it could be worse’ or whatever, does not change the reality. Nor do pious platitudes. Please spare me these!

But for me it does bring a degree of comfort and hope to recall that Jesus was born into a difficult situation when many folks – including his own family - faced tough times. No room when he was born; laid in a manger; fleeing as a refugee from the violence of Herod, and so on.

He has faced darkness, difficulty and tough times. He has experienced and known such things. He understands. I find that helps me to feel hope and brings me a degree of comfort.

And, as I write this, it is 21^st December; the shortest day. From tomorrow the days get longer and the darkness recedes.

Good!

 

All I want for Christmas is...

Nowadays, what probably comes to mind for most people when they hear the words ‘All I want for Christmas is…’ will be Mariah Carey’s 1994 hit ‘All I want for Christmas is you’. (And now I’ll bet you are going to have that going around in your head all day!)

Those of us of a somewhat older generation are more likely to remember ‘All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth’! And it is this second one that has been very much in my mind this last wee while. For I broke one of my front teeth in a DIY mishap and was very keen to get it fixed before Christmas. Not an easy ask with dentists restricted in what they can do at the moment and with appointments being somewhat less available. 

However, I am very pleased to say that yesterday I visited the dentist (or did the tooth fairy visit me??) and my broken front tooth has been repaired! I haven’t stopped smiling since (and smiling is something I have tried to avoid this last wee while… my family might say that smiling is something I have been avoiding for the last 64 years… but that’s another story!)

All of that has got me thinking about what we do really want for Christmas.

Most years I imagine that my fellow Ministers might say that what they most want is a rest! (This year it is not quite that simple.) I am very sure that this year a rest will be top of the list for many folks; teachers, retail workers (some at least), NHS frontline workers (if they can get a rest!), delivery drivers and so on.

As I write this it seems that we are still going to be allowed to have some limited family gathering at Christmas, although that seems to be subject to ongoing discussion and review. All I want for Christmas is the chance to be with some of my loved ones? Yes, I suppose that is what many of us will want for Christmas if it is possible.

However, given that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ what do we want for Christmas that honours and reflects that central focus of this celebration?

‘Peace on earth and goodwill to all’? Well, yes, most of us would want to echo the angels’ message in this wish.

But this morning as I write this, what I would really wish for is the space to ponder, reflect upon, explore and share something of the deep wonder and meaning of the Incarnation, of what it means that ‘the Word become flesh and dwelt among us’. In church at this time of year, we tell and re-tell the story and we read and re-read the birth narratives, but I fear we do not really dig deeper as often or as fully as we might. And then, before you know it, it is all over until next year…

Perhaps this year I will get more of an opportunity for pondering and wondering, exploring and sharing. I hope so.

A Change of Direction

Yesterday evening I was travelling in the car towards the south side of Glasgow (on legitimate and necessary work related matters – just so you know!).

As usual, I had put on the Satnav system as there are some alternative routes available and if one of these gets congested then the Satnav tells me and directs me to another route. Useful when time is a bit squeezed… as it was!

At one point the Satnav took me in a slightly different way (due to road works I think). I got a little confused by the Satnav instructions and the road layout and took a wrong turn. Very quickly I was alerted to this error and told to make a U-turn when safe to do so! I did so, and proceeded on my way without further incident and arrived in time… just!

Of course, if you end up going in the wrong direction you need to change direction and turn around and go in the correct way. It is obvious and common sense. If you find yourself going in the wrong direction and you decide to persevere in that way then not only is it utter madness, but you will get ever further away from your destination.

So, then, why do ‘U-turns’ get such a bad press? Why do politicians seek to avoid them and protest that they have not made one (even when they clearly have)? Why do newspaper headlines gloat about ‘U-turns’ when a government changes a decision?

Why do we as individuals so often persist in some bloody-minded manner in  pursuing the wrong road rather than ‘lose face’ (as it is seen, for some reason) and change direction, turn around and go in the correct way towards our destination?

John the Baptist called people to ‘repent’ which really just means to turn around; to turn from going the wrong way towards going the right way; a change of direction; a U-turn, if you like.

Imagine if Joseph had not had a change of mind and changed direction when he had ‘planned to dismiss [Mary] quietly’ when he discovered she was pregnant? (Matthew 1: 19)

What if Mary and Joseph had stuck to what we presume were their original plans of returning from Bethlehem to Nazareth and had not ‘changed direction’ and fled to Egypt because they had been warned about Herod’s intentions?

There is nothing in the slightest sensible or honourable in being determined to pursue the wrong direction! If we are going the wrong way then it is time to change direction. And if that involves a ‘U-turn’ then so be it. That is surely not a bad thing!

 

 

Hopes and Fears

Life is full of hopes and fears, is it not? 

Recent vaccine developments in relation to COVID-19 have raised real hopes that we may at last be able to contain, control and perhaps ultimately conquer this virus. And yet this may be a way off yet and still there are fears for individuals and society, for health and livelihoods. Hopes and fears.

A few weeks ago one of our fears as a family was that we would not be able to gather for Christmas as usual. Indeed, we were fully prepared for that and ready to accommodate that eventuality and accept it, albeit with regret. Then the decision was taken to allow family gatherings within strict limits. Hope was re-born… until these last few days when doubts about this plan have again been raised. As I write this we await the further guidance as a result of ongoing consultations between the governments of the four nations. Again we are caught between hopes and fears. (Just for the record, while I was relieved and delighted that we could gather with two other households of our family to celebrate Christmas, I always had an uneasy feeling about that decision, and doubted that it was in fact the correct one. But I now think that it is likely too late for our governments to back off from it, and people will pay the price.) Hopes and fears.

On a considerably more trivial note, I took my car into the garage this morning for a service. As well as the regular service there are one or two things requiring some attention. Now I find myself awaiting the inevitable phone call and the possibility that the work required will be both extensive and expensive! I may be pleasantly surprised, however….! Hope and fears.

In the hymn, ‘O little town of Bethlehem’ that line appears ‘The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight’.

Someone commented that this is ‘one of the most beautiful and theologically pregnant lines in any hymn’.

I think that may be a bit of an overstatement, but I get the point and I agree that it is a rich and deep line.

As God’s people of old looked to the future, to a longed for new age and the coming of Messiah, they had hopes and fears aplenty. As we, in our turn and time, look forward to the dawning of a new age, to the new heaven and new earth promised in the Bible, there will be hopes and fears too.

This post is not really the place to explore what all of these may be nor their theological significance. I may write a book some time!

I simply want to acknowledge that hopes and fears are both part of our experience, in the trivial as well as in the more significant aspects of our lives and our living. As we look to the future hopes and fears may be inevitable and unavoidable.

But all of them are met in Jesus. He fulfils our hopes and confronts our fears. 

Past, Future and Present

This may come as a huge shock to… well, absolutely nobody! But I love this season of Advent. There are all kinds of reasons for this and over the years I have blogged during Advent I have mentioned many of these reasons time and again.

I suspect that part of it, though, is my personality. I enjoy anticipating things, and can sometimes get as much (or even more) enjoyment out of anticipation than out of the anticipated event itself!

But my personality oddities are not really what my blog is all about!

I also appreciate the way in which the bible readings and the themes of this Season cause us to focus on things we might otherwise avoid; the mystery of ‘unanswered prayer’, waiting and patience, suffering and darkness, and – of course – the Second Coming of the Lord (however, we understand that).

In other words, if we use this season to focus not simply on the fact that Christ came as the Babe of Bethlehem, Child in a Manger, but also on his still awaited return then we will have to think through some aspects of our faith and theology that we might otherwise be tempted to skirt around.

He came, but he will also come. Christ’s coming is past and is future.

I was struck anew by the words of one of the Advent collects; ‘…inspire the ministers and stewards of your truth to turn our disobedient hearts to you, that when Christ shall come again to be our judge we may stand with confidence before his glory…’.

But then that started me thinking that it is not just about past and future. It is about present too.

He came, he will come and he comes in the present too.

If I fail to discern and discover his coming in the present, if I do not hear or heed his coming each and every day, if I cannot recognise or receive him in the present, then will I really be ready to greet his eventual return or ‘stand with confidence before his glory’?