Chaos

‘In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind form God swept over the face of the waters. The God said “Let there be light”, and there was light’

Genesis1: 1-3

‘a formless void’... ‘darkness’....  chaos.

Any of these descriptions would apply not only to the Creation narrative in Genesis, but to how I have felt life to be in these last months.

When I described something of our experience over this past year to someone, they used the word ‘chaos’ to describe it, and suddenly that made a lot of sense. It has indeed felt utterly chaotic, out of control, confusing and dark.

Now, for a control freak like me, chaos is not a good state in which to find myself!

But, more recently, as something that looks a little like ‘order’ seems to have been slowly emerging out of the chaos, I have felt myself a little challenged.

Is my control-freakery not somewhat in conflict with my profession of faith and trust in God?

Why do I feel the need to control, order and arrange everything?

I am not sure that I can – as yet – fully answer these questions, but I think that I am glad to be at least asking them.

If God brought Creation out of a formless void and order out of the primeval chaos, can I not trust him to bring some order to my chaos?

If God spoke and there was light in place of darkness, can I not trust him to shine into the darkness surrounding me?

If God has come among us in Jesus, can I not trust him to come alongside me?

Now I do of course know what the answer to all of these questions ought to be! But, if I am being totally honest, I am not quite there yet. But the journey continues, and hope remains.

As the Psalmist said

‘Why have you forgotten me?... my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me continually “Where is your God?”Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him; my help and my God.’ (Psalm 42: 9-11)