Dislocation

 

 

I do know that I had promised to get back to my posts on music etc… and I will!

But, meanwhile, there is still so much to process with this whole retirement business, and adjusting to it all, and living with the implications, and so on.

I have had a few years now to get used to my bus pass, and I am greatly enjoying free bus travel! But I am struggling just a wee bit with now being eligible for a much cheaper haircut because I am (as it appears on the prices of my local barber) an ‘Auld Yin’!

I am due an eye test and have booked for next week, and I discover that I am now also due a decent discount on any new specs I need or wish, as I am now of a certain age.

No, I am not complaining about it… just accommodating it!

And this last week I have experienced a deep sense of dislocation, discombobulation and disconcertment (is that a word? and, yes, you can take the preacher out of the pulpit, but he still seems to think in three alliterative points!)

All this is because I have moved all my ‘work’ stuff from what was and is our spare room to a) the dump, b) the shredder and c) a small bureau in our dining room. And I no longer feel I belong in any specific space in the house.

This all began in some ways when Jane embarked upon parish ministry in 2016 and for the first time I no longer had a Manse (although I lived in hers! I suspect she may think that I was lucky she allowed me!)

In that first Manse of hers, Jane – of course – had the study, and I had use of a spare bedroom which was very spacious with plenty room for my desk, my books, my musical instruments, and a spare bed. All good and fine.

However, Jane’s current Manse, while having the requisite number of rooms, is not quite as spacious (and bear in mind that we also have living with us an adult son and two huge Labradors). So, my wee space in this Manse consisted of a small room with space for a sofa bed, some of my musical instruments, very few books and a very small work station. But, I liked it and it was mine.

As is the way with us Ministers who imagine ourselves to be indispensable(!), that wee room would be my first port of call in the morning (checking up on the day ahead, looking at emails, writing down the inspired sermon ideas that had occurred to me in the depths of the night, etc) and my final stop last thing at night (checking up on the next day, looking at emails, recording the various marvellous sermon illustrations that had occurred to me in the course of the day, etc). Truth be told, I was in that wee room most of the time in between as well, at least, when I was not out and about.

But it was not only a place of work; it was my place of recreation too with my musical instruments and various non-work books etc… although in this Manse I had to learn to re-locate some of my recreational activities elsewhere to take account of the available room.

And then, this week, I moved the little work stuff I am hanging onto out of that room (apart from a handful of files) and put such theology / worship / mission / church development etc books as I had stored in my wee room onto Jane’s bookshelves. And now this wee room is still mine (unless and until guests come to stay!) but it is now given over to my musical instruments, sound system (Yes, I do have Spotify and have smart speakers etc… but for the audiophile that will just not do!), books on steam locomotives and railways and fishing and so on. But it is no longer a room for work.

My work has been relocated to the wee bureau in our dining room and I am simply finding space to keep, charge, and use my laptop as needs arise.

And I am feeling not simply relocated so much as rather dislocated!

Yes, that is how it has felt, and yesterday I was really quite disconsolate having done the deed.

Not that I think I was wrong still less intend to go back! It is all part of the process.

And, anyway, my wee room is now no longer a place of work, but it is a place of recreation and that feels rather nice. I spent a while there a little time ago, listening to music and then strumming a guitar. That felt rather good, and all the more so as there was no sign of work around, anywhere.

It may take me a while to get used to this new pattern, but I think it could work…!

On Retirement

 

 

I have not posted on my blog for ages and ages and have still to complete my musings on my musical journey. Sorry about that; I have been too busy retiring! Yes, busy retiring. It is an exhausting business, or it has been thus far. All the desk-clearing, tying up loose ends and so on, followed by the (several) farewell events, then getting the change in finances sorted out, and… and… and…

Then, as soon as I had hit the set date, we headed off for a wee break / family visit, following which I took the opportunity to travel to different Scottish cities and towns to make the time to see friends whom I had not seen for ages… it has been so hectic!

And last week and early this week I was doing what felt very much like work… conducting worship and preaching, preparing for and taking a funeral, attending various meetings and so on. It all felt very much like my pre-retirement life… except… it felt nothing like it!

Inside, something felt different, more free, less pressured.

And now, finally, in these last couple of days things have settled down a wee bit and what I suspect will be a more normal pattern has begun to be established. I walk the dogs in the morning without thinking that I need to get back home to get on with the day, I read books not worrying about what I ought to be doing at the desk, I play with our grand-daughter without feeling the need to check for emails, I listen to music not distracted by tomorrow’s responsibilities, I go fishing without that evening’s meeting or whatever always at the back of my mind.

Yesterday I even struggled to remember what day of the week it was. Bliss!

I hope I may even manage to get back to more regular blogging!

But, I have to say that the biggest change is not what has occurred in these last few days. It was that real sense of a weight lifting from me the very day I retired. And it almost felt like it was a physical weight that had been shed. Even when, in these last few weeks, I have been busy doing ‘normal’ Ministerial type things, that weight has gone. I no longer feel pressured, responsible, nor other people’s expectations in the same way.

I was not expecting this experience, but I am enjoying it!

Of course, while I have retired from being a full-time working Minister, I have not relinquished my ordination! I fully intend to continue to lead worship, preach and celebrate the sacraments (I have already conducted one baptism since retiring). In fact, preparing for and leading worship on a weekly basis is the one thing from Ministerial life that I am currently missing.

But oh how I am enjoying that sense of freedom, ease, lack of pressure, and so on.

I cannot recall the last time in my life when I felt such a sense of well-being, peace and simple joy; a feeling of contentment and being at one with the world.