Soon, oh soon the light

 

Listen should we fight forever

Knowing as we do know Fear destroys?...

 …The fist will run

 Grasp metal to gun

The spirit sings in crashing tones we gain the battle drum

Our cries will shrill the air will moan and crash into the dawn

The pen won't stay the demon's wings, the hour approaches

Pounding out the Devil's sermon…

 

…Soon oh soon the light

Pass within and soothe this endless night

And wait here for you

Our reason to be here’

 [From ‘The Gates of Delirium’ by Yes, from their 1974 album, ‘Relayer’]

 

Sometimes it hurts.

Sometimes it really hurts.

I feel it like a constant ache inside.

A friend or loved one seems to be struck time after time with some disaster, setback, injustice, or illness. And I feel the pain inside.

I look at a church which, in our nation at least (although not worldwide) is seemingly in unending decline, struggling to know how to respond (and so often making panic decisions that only serve – so it seems to me – to make matters worse). I sometimes despair. And it hurts.

And perhaps it hurts most when I read about the climate crisis, and our apparent inability to take the hard decisions, or to do so sufficiently quickly or fully, or when I think about the horror of the fighting and killing, the misery and suffering in Israel-Palestine, or the ongoing conflict in Ukraine.

Yes, there is a real ache inside.

How long?

How long must all of this go on?

How long until it ends?

How long until God responds to our prayers?

How long until his Kingdom of peace and justice, ruled by love, is finally established?

I genuinely do feel all of this as an inner ache sometimes. And, as well as the pain, I get angry, sometimes so very angry, with God. I am comforted to know that I am not alone in this… and even in the Bible there is anger with God.

Perhaps this ache within is part of why I feel so drawn to this season of Advent, which brings together the mysteries of suffering and hope, of anger and faith, of darkness and light, of God’s here-and-now Kingdom and his not-yet-here Kingdom.

During this Advent time we sing the hymns that express all of this: ‘O come, O come, Emmanuel’, ‘Come, thought long expected Jesus’, and so on.

The progressive rock group, Yes, whom I have often quoted, frequently touch on ‘spiritual’ themes in their work. This past week, something brought to my mind the piece which I have quoted above; ‘The Gates of Delirium’. It is a 22 minute long song (or, perhaps better, a suite) that is inspired by ‘War and Peace’.

The opening sections are a frantic and confused depiction of war. Then, towards the end, the clamour and chaos give way to a gentle, hopeful, yearning section… almost like a prayer; ‘Soon oh soon the light, Pass within and soothe this endless night, And wait here for you, Our reason to be here’.

I almost want to say ‘Amen’.

Yes, I believe that the day will come; the Day of the Lord. I have a firm hope in God’s promises, and that his Kingdom of justice and peace will one day be established. ‘Thy Kingdom Come’.

But I pray that it will be soon, that the light will dispel the dreadful darkness, that God’s will and way will finally prevail.

And, until then, I guess I will continue to live with this ache within.

‘O come, O come, Emmanuel’.