Reflection

 

‘Searching for me,
you look everywhere 
except beside you.
Searching for you, 
you look everywhere,
but not inside you’

‘Peace – An End’ by King Crimson from the 1970 album ‘In the Wake of Poseidon’  

One of the least enjoyable experiences in my life is getting my hair cut. There are many reasons why I do not much enjoy it. Being trapped in a chair for however long with someone cutting your hair who is determined to have a meaningful conversation is not something I anticipate with glee! (That said, in more recent years it has been fun to play a wee game with myself, to spot the leading questions by which the barber tries to work out whether I get charged the pensioner’s rate or not!)

But most of all, I do not appreciate this period of time when I have nowhere else to look but in the mirror. Just that reflection of myself, staring back.

In recent times I have been disturbed by the old man who stares back at me (when did he get to be that old?!). I have also been occasionally unnerved by my father seemingly looking back at me.

But I also wonder (on reflection – so to speak) if I really do not like to ponder myself, look closely at myself, see things that I might otherwise miss, or gloss over, or deny. In terms of my physical appearance, there are many of these!

But there are also the more significant and important aspects of myself that I perhaps do not reflect upon as much as I could or should.

Most people, when they are challenged about their behaviour, choices, or actions, tend to get a bit defensive. Explanations and excuses trip over each other. I confess to having that tendency.

But, in the quieter moments, when I take the time to have a harder and more honest look, and reflect upon myself, I can feel very aware of my failings, my mistakes, and my regrets. I become conscious of some of my poor choices, silly mistakes, and several failings.

Taking the time to reflect is important, in part so I can see more clearly the errors in my choices; also so I can consider how to act in response to that awareness; and most importantly in order that I can bring that before God for his forgiveness and his help to realign my actions etc, and to consider what I now do to (where appropriate) make amends, or simply amend my life!

In this Advent season, we hear the message of John the Baptist, who does not shrink from calling out bad behaviour. Perhaps that is what is in my mind when I speak about honest reflection. 

I am going to get my haircut this week. Perhaps I will use the time in front of the mirror more profitably on this occasion.